.... this according to Ghandi.
That said, I humbly present this dialogue between myself and a 31-year-old female patient with a sore tooth.
Dr: Your upper right wisdom tooth is both broken and infected. The good news is - It should be pretty easy to remove.
Patient: Right now?
Dr: Probably take about five minutes, sure.
Pt: Hmm. But is it ok to remove?
Dr: Well, if you had a really huge infection then that might complicate things, but I think it'll be fine in your case.
Pt: No, but I mean...it's a wisdom tooth.
Dr: That is correct. And it's basically shot - there is no saving it, only a lot of discomfort if we don't remove it.
Pt: But what about the wisdom?
Dr: (Where? I don't see any...) "Errrr....I'm sorry?"
Pt: It's a wisdom tooth.
Dr. (back on solid footing) Yes!
Pt: So won't it affect...my...um....you know....
Dr: (please be kidding please be kidding please...) "...um.....I'm afraid I don't...."
Pt: My wisdom.
Dr: Like, your intelligence?
Pt: I guess.
Dr: (trying really hard to not be condescending) Um, "wisdom tooth" is sort of an expression - they don't show up 'til you're older and presumably wiser...Not actually tied to any wisdom, uh..... (am I REALLY having this conversation?)
Pt: Oh. Just checking. So, can you knock me out?
Dr: (You're conscious now? Really?) Um we can get you numb...you'll feel only pressure.
Pt: What if it goes to my brain?
Dr: What, the anesthetic?
Pt: Yeah. I don't want my brain numbed.
Dr: I can guarantee the anesthetic is the least of your concerns.....
I am so not making this up.
During the extraction, this lady just about squeezed off my poor assistant's hand and kept loudly exclaiming, "I can't breathe! I can't breathe! I'm dying, I swear!"
Signs of airway distress: Short rapid breaths, physically labored ventilation, sternal retraction, cyanosis.... Hollering "I can't breathe!" over and over: not actually a sign.....
Afterwards, offered her mild narcotic for post-operative pain - "Oh, gosh no... I can't take those! They make me CRAZY!"
We wouldn't want that....