Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Fun with HGTV

Sooooo.... for anyone who doesn't know any creative, decorative, voyeuristic 26-34 year-old women (or, possibly Queer-Eye-style guys, both straight and not) - There is currently a phenomenon called "HGTV" where every show is a reality show that involves strangers attempting to drag home-owners into the 21st century with all manner of decorating tips, all of which are demonstrated with some sort of room/house/lifestyle make-over!

It started with Trading Spaces and has only degenerated from there...In fact, there was even a reality show where contestants vied for the honor of HOSTING the above kind of reality show... mirrors upon mirrors! I think that was called Design Star.
Then there's now Designed to Sell, Trading Up, Curb Appeal, House Hunters, Design on a Dime and (best title!) My House is Worth What?!?

So, these shows show up when certain young women congregate in front of televisions, in an act of specific vengeance upon the men in their lives who insist on watching Venture Brothers, Robot Chicken, Family Guy and Ultimate Fighting. ("Yes, I realize that I'm a scrawny, educated gentleman who tends to advocate non-violence. Yes, I see that those men are beating the snot out of each other.... But,, yes, but there's more TO it than's like kinetic chess! Well, of course there's blood....")

Honestly, I stole "kinetic chess" from Sports Illustrated's write up on ultimate fighting and MMA.... Fair disclosure. No, it did not have the desired effect of justifying to said females that UFC is more than guys who don't realize that Steven Seagal movies aren't real.

So, we've got HGTV which has at least SIX shows involving people trying to sell their homes. One is called "Buy Me" and has this super creepy host who's like a combination of Rod Serling of the Twilight Zone and John Walsh of America's Most Wanted....

A discussion ensues here for those interested in delving into the psychology therein. I can't find a pic of Creepy Narrator.

Sooo, watching a recent episode of Buy Me. It always has people w/ these really irritating or depressing back-stories who are painfully desperate to sell their home. InVARiably they have ridiculous expectations. "yeah, we bought this 4 years ago for $230,000 and the house down the street sold two years ago for $400,000, so we're asking $550,000!!" Then they have 18 open houses and no one is even putting in an offer and then some beleagered real estate agent has to tell them, Er, maybe they should consider reducing the asking price... GASP! Heresy! wah wah wah.

the latest featured a couple in Vancouver trying to sell a high rise condo for (cue Dr. Evil voice) ONE point three MILLION dollars!! They'd purchased five years back for like $660,000 and are super pissy that they have to eventually drop to 990 or so....

here's a pic of the guy:

....and closer, for an even more SPECTACULAR view!

now SOME people (like aforementioned females [coughing, "HACKRACHELAHEM!"]) say, "Maybe Canadians don't CARE so much about their teeth." Um, no, you're thinking of the British. (Just kidding, Dr. Carling! Just kidding, Nigel!)

Well, if they don't care, they'll not mind me poking fun. My point is, this guy has, persumably, a couple million dollars in net worth and he can't be bothered to get matching veneers!

don't get me wrong - if he were homeless (and many of my patients are or have been...) I would NOT be making fun of him. I only do so because he's rich AND clueless. Hah! Take that, bourgeois!

Do note how 8 and 9 (the upper centrals) are FLAMINGLY WHITE whilst the adjacent teeth are painfully yellow. Tsk! you should bleach the others BEFORE getting the shining front crowns OR get front crowns that, I don't know.... MATCH. harumph. I think I can make some suggestions on how to spend $300,000.....

OK, I'll stop being mean-spirited now!