Friday, April 13, 2007

Fair Game!

Greetings, and welcome to the Newmarket High School Career Fair Edition of the Daily Flos!

Check out the ink!


Newmarket High Schoolers Ben Chase, left, and Jordan Cartlidge watch as Dr. Nate Swanson demonstrates the process of performing teeth sealants during a Career Fair held on Thursday. Dr. Swanson owns Newmarket Dental. (Aaron Leclerc/Staff photographer)

"Lost" Revenue for taking the morning off: $2000
Cost of "Science Fair" style supplies and images: $142
Look of astoundment/worshipful awe on hard-to-impress 15 year-old males: Priceless

One thing I learned about high school students - They love love LOVE free exam gloves and surgical earloop face masks. One guy asked me, "Can I have a mask?" "Um...sure. Don't rob anything or try to do home surgery, 'k?" "Sweet!!"
Next thing I knew, three other kids wanted masks. And gloves. Then 10 more kids... The paper wrote, "Students swarmed around his booth, as much for the free gloves and face masks, as to learn procedures for doing teeth sealants and what kind of person it takes to make a dentist."

Swarmed I was! Good heavens, you would think I was giving away grillz or ringtones.... mercy. Next thing you know, I was out of masks and was having to ask kids to limit themselves to just the one glove a piece... The gym, now full of giddy, suddenly infection control conscious adolescents, resembled the Singapore airport during a bird flu outbreak.

I was kinda worried a vice principal would approach my table, look at me sternly and say, " need to stop causing disorder. If you continue with this behavior, you WILL be issued detention." Ulp!

Some insightful questions I was asked:

"Does your job involve technology?"
(Technically, yes...)
"Do you LIKE your job?"
(No, but I get all the masks and gloves I could ever want.)
"What's the highest level of Math you need?"
(Um...well, I have to count up to 32...)

One of my patients approached the table, grinning, with other boys in tow and said, "Hey. Um...can you do the voice?"


"you know...the RADIO voice..."

Oh. Soooo, dialing down my register, and speaking slowly, in a basso legato sort of cross between Barry White and Fritz the Night Owl, I intoned, "Good's 10:33, and you're listening to 94.1, WNHS, Home of the Mule, where the licks are hot and the tunes are cool... You just heard Pavement, Tori Amos and the latest from the Killers, and coming up, the new track by Cold War Kids. Right now, it's 42 degrees and partly cloudy. Time to stay in and turn up the rrrraaaadioooooo...."
(It's important to say this last word exactly as it's enunciated in Wall of Voodoo's "Mexican Radio" tune to really grasp the technique here...)

So that was a mistake, as I had to repeat the performance two more times, once for a group of awestruck girls and another for a couple of adults who may have been teachers' aides.... I consoled myself with the fact that if Mrs Caruso ever pursues the veneers she could sorely use, there is no question where she will go for the work. The other fact o' consolation took the form of 14 year old Nate rising up in the back of my subconscious, glaring at me and growling reproachfully, "OH, sure...nice...real NICE...and where were YOU in 1991, hmmm??? Don't recall gaggles o' females with sparkly eye shadow clustering about THEN, no sir..."

Dude, chill out, Half My Age Me! It's probably just the stylin' blue lab jacket we now wear.... if there's one thing that's a babe magnet, it's dentist couture, I tell you what....

In other news, my trusty hygienist, Jen, was a good enough sport to accompany me on this little venture. Upon seeing a boy in a "Seacoast United" soccer fleece, and knowing that she coaches one of those teams, I said, "Hey! Look at his he one of yours?" "Nope," she replied, "I do Under-12 girls."

Now, it might just be the whole juvenile pheromone cloud that clearly surrounded us, but I had to stifle a chortle.
Jen glanced sidelong at me and said, "What?" "Oh, i dunno...I could repeat what you said, but I'm pretty sure I'd be dragged outta here in cuffs and would have to spend the rest of my career working with a shingle reading "Nate Swanson, DDS - practice limited to other registered sex offenders"

High schools can have that effect on you.

Here's the full article, and Hey, Mad Props to my pal Gretyl for working me into the story!